I am basically a very shy person. For most of my life I had no clue why people acted they way they did nor how to react to them. Until one day I had to understand. I was chosen to be a president of a club, which necessitated me giving speeches and I wanted to get a sports recreation centre built in my neighbourhood. That later was accomplished after a 10 year struggle of lobbying and politics.
So I had to learn how to speak in public. One of my deepest fears, that is shared by most people, is talking in public. I could mumble my way through a speech I read, or get drunk and talk tosh. Therefore I found a place where I took public speaking lessons. Actually I took 3 different classes, because It was difficult for me to overcome my shyness and fear. But I did.
The same place also had other adult course that I took. One on China. And another one called ‘introduction to Psychiatry taught by 2 retired doctors of psychiatry; German and Freudian. It took place in the conference room of the psychiatric hospital. A fitting place. I was very interested in the topic for that year which was a discussion of the mental disorders enumerated in the DSM IV manual for psychiatric disorders. Especially of interest to me was Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I had come to the right place; the first day one of the students gave the leader of the course a gavel in order to shut him up (as a joke). I will call this person ‘Bull” short for Bull Shit. He was a cookie cutter copy of Donald Trump. A perfect example of someone with a Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
The teaching method used was Socratic. The leaders/teachers gave us textes to read and then asked questions and the students could give what ever answers were on their minds. Later I came to understand that we were in a sort of ‘group therapy’ conducted by the 2 psychiatrists. The setting was conducive for this kind of intellectual talk because we were in the bowels of a ‘Mad House’ with locked doors and patients who suffered for mental disorders.
To make a long story short, after the first year I was asked by one of the psychiatrists to be a leader/teacher. When I understood that half the people who go to the doctors are suffering from some kind of mental disorder, I came to realize that my study of medicine had only been half complete. I had studied pre med and then I attended a master’s degree program in medical art that covered most medical diseases, but with out the clinical side. I felt I understood sickness, but I didn’t. Now I understand that people with mental disorders are just as sick or sicker than those who have ‘real diseases’. They are also liable to die as a result as well and they suffer. Sometimes for years.
I have to admit that I also went to therapy for 3 years to deal with PTSD. And we discovered that I had been the victim of narcissists. Therefore I was interested in finding out more about this disorder. I had come to the right place because I found a lot of narcissism amongst the students and teachers.
For reasons of privacy I will not tell you much of what happened in the courses. Only in general terms. One young woman talked of her cocaine use and sexual encounters, other followed suit. It is interesting how a public forum can bring out secrets or how narcissists compete. The textes were interesting; I discovered Kafka and Walker Percy. Because we had two psychiatrists it appeared to be a safe place to divulge our secrets. I didn’t. I learned not to become a victim of narcissists. There was a great deal of manipulation going on. Peer pressure as well. Some people were there just for the fun of it, to listen to other’s problems. I don’t think it was harmful though a woman I met later came down with a brain tumour which she blamed on us. Guilt by association.
I got to be pretty good at asking questions. But I never thought of myself as a therapist. In fact one of my first therapists showed up in the class and he looked at me with with some embarrassment. He also divulged the way he manipulated his patients; a classical narcissistic tactic. I realized that some therapist are narcissists and they enjoy playing with people’s lives.
I walked away after 2 years. The Bull is probably still there, like Trump, he couldn’t leave his audience.
