Know your narcissist
The Hunting and bagging this big game trophy… A couple of things you should know about narcissist hunting; a lot of braggarts are NOT someone with narcissistic personality disorder. Nor are all blow hards or verbose people narcissists. You could be in front of a manic depressive in the throws of logorrhoea or of someone who has a histrionic personality disorder. Or a dozen or so other disorders. As a trait, it is found in many mental disorders. By it self narcissism runs the gamut of the mild to the malignant. The worse expression of narcissistic tendencies is found in people with psychopathic and antisocial disorders.
Just take a look at President Trump to see how they operate. Look for a haughty acting person who needs to be the centre of attention. They may have a cold calculating look, that is shy and reserved at first, but is only the first phase of their attack as they size up their prey. They will voice their opinions, insisting they are the only one to be believed, as an expert on whatever is happening, or on any subject. They have distinct mannerisms i.e. they will huff and puff or use the same phrase over and over until they are believed.
They tend to be the centre of any group of people; they resent anyone else who tries to lead the group unless they view that person as a superior. They may play up to someone as superior to them, but that may not last, as they are constantly upgrading and downgrading those in authority. They are charming even amusing. Their ego is fragile; think of a child who has a favourite toy taken away from them, or who receives criticism. They are quick to criticize and blame, but they will not apologize nor admit any fault. In fact one way to find out if the person who you are dealing with is a narcissist is to ask them to list their faults. A normal competent person who is self assured will not hesitate to tell you his or her short comings. A narcissist will never do this.
Nietzche perfectly summarized the narcissist problem: “Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself”. They have a fragile ego that is always looking to expand by invading other people’s lives. Beware. They are jealous of others, and will sabotage you by spreading lies about you.
Beside the scientific literature on narcissists, there is a non official way of detailing a narcissist’s traits and manners. They are Gaslighting, dog whistling and flying monkeys. I add flypaper, bate and switch, and others. Quotes follow…
Gaslighting is an expression taken from a film noir about a woman who is abused mentally by her husband who slowly turns down the gas light, but maintains that nothing has changed. Think people who give you bull shit and tell you it is caviar.
Dog whistle relates to how a silent whistle can command a dog; a narcissist can use non verbal communication to command their victims.
Flying monkeys refers to the minions of the wicked witch of the North in the Wizard of Oz, who do her bidding.
Fly paper describes how they use something to attract innocent people into their grip.
They use bait and switch to further their control over a victim by using an attractive proposition/offer/promise which they then renege on.
Stockholm Syndrome is the way an abuser turns the victim into a willing, and even supportive, victim; it comes from terrorists in Stockholm who took hostages and then turned them into defenders of their cause.
Mirroring is when the narcissist will take over the victim by mimicking them, taking over their dreams as their own, copying what the victim likes.
No boundaries is the way a narcissist invades the victim’s space, both physical and emotional.
Hot and cold is the way a narcissist can be agreeable then disinterested in someone, sometimes at the same time; a form of passive agression.
Word manipulation is a full range techniques used by a narcissist to control people in person or by any form of communication; the effect is always to obtain full control and compliance of the victim by whatever verbal means. Shaming, Condescending sarcasm and patronizing tone, Aggressive jabs disguised as jokes, Bait and feign innocence, triangulation, Preemptive defense, Love-bombing and devaluation, Name-calling, Covert and overt threats, Changing the subject to evade accountability, Nitpicking and moving the goal posts, Deliberately misrepresenting your thoughts and feelings to the point of absurdity, Blanket statements and generalizations, Nonsensical conversations from hell, and Projection. Each of these forms of verbal abuse merits a huge explanation.
Extreme hypocrisy entails saying one thing and doing the other through lies and actions, or non actions.
Idealizing/demeaning behaviour is how the narcissist can put someone on a pinnacle and then tear them down later if they have any fault or just for the hell of it.
These are a few of their characteristics.
Narcissistic Personality Symptoms
1 grandiosity / exaggeration
2 fantastic thinking / romantic
3 believes special / unique
4 requires admiration
5 entitled / demanding
6 exploitive / manipulative
7 lacks empathy
8 envious / jealous
9 arrogant / haughty
They are highly reactive to criticism.
They have low self-esteem
They can be inordinately self-righteous and defensive
They react to contrary viewpoints with anger or rage
They project onto others qualities, traits, and behaviors they can’t—or won’t—accept in themselves
They have poor interpersonal boundaries
Narcissism, as in excessive or erotic interest in oneself and one's physical appearance. noun (See egotism)
• Psychology; extreme selfishness, with a grandiose view of one's own talents and a craving for admiration, as characterizing a personality type.
Psychoanalysis; self-centeredness arising from failure to distinguish the self from external objects, either in very young babies or as a feature of mental disorder.
